Heather Pacaro Coaching

What happens in our brain when work is challenging

hpacaro@gmail.com — Sun, 09 Apr 2023 08:00:19 +0000

Things at work are challenging and intense. The company isn’t having a great quarter and the future is uncertain. The constant solving of problems has sucked so much of your energy that most of the time you are just numb and trying to make it through the day, holding on to a shred of hope that someday it will end. Either by you winning the lottery or some fairy godmother coming to present an amazing opportunity to you with a company that somehow is immune from all the ups and downs of business.

And then you go to a meeting with your fellow leaders and realize that one of your colleagues has shipped off a copy of the work you did on a project to the powers that be, without you knowing. Worse, the hours of work you spent creating it are left unaccounted for as they receive credit for it and your name is not even mentioned.

You start spinning. Do you say something? That would be weird. Then you would just be trying to draw attention to yourself. Does it even matter if people know it was you? And what if you did and your boss laughed at you saying how ridiculous you are acting.

It’s just like that time in elementary school when….and then you feel the shame of playground rejection all over again as if it just happened yesterday.

And it’s all so human.

When things get intense at work or in life, our brains have a tendency to fall back into the well worn thought patterns created over time about who we believe ourselves to be. This can be especially prevalent in situations where we are receiving feedback, feeling pressure to deliver, feeling undervalued or in fear of failing.

Even though this is something I study and work on all the time with others, it just recently happened to me…again. Nope, it’s not the first time.

I’ve been pushing against a big goal and all the negative beliefs I’ve held about myself in the past have been shoved to the surface, surprising me with their intensity. The self-criticism, perfectionism, arguments with time and achievement, and lack of self-trust. The difference is that once I realized what was happening, I was able to watch it in fascination. Yes, I definitely wanted to make it a problem, at first. Like it was something I needed to step aside from my goals and solve before I could move forward. And then it became clear what was happening and I thought to myself:

Yep, it’s a big goal and all of this is right on time.

I can still lead from my values. I can still acknowledge all my strengths. None of that will stop. And this challenge right here isn’t a problem or something wrong with me. It’s simply an invitation to step into an even better, stronger version of myself. To proactively counteract what will naturally happen by reminding myself who I am now and who I was, even on that playground when I didn’t see my own worthiness.

This is mental agility. The ability to move between two ideas with flexibility. The unconscious you that has been created over time as the world told you who you needed to be and the conscious you, the one that aligns you with your core beliefs and values. You see both and you can love both for what they teach you, while still deciding which one you’ll choose to lead your life with at any given time.

So let’s bring it back to the original challenge and whether you speak up for yourself when your colleague has removed your name from all of the project references. Your mind is stuck between two personas: the you that was rejected and the you that knows and carries your worth honestly and proudly.

So I ask you, as that person that knows her worth and grounds herself in her strengths and values, how do you respond to this challenge?

For me, it’s a conversation with my colleague to find out what thoughts they had when sending it without my name, followed by a conversation with leadership as to my involvement for their awareness. No drama, just the facts and keeping things real. I don’t need to take anything away from my colleague, there is room for both of us to be great. At the same time, I don’t need to bow down and dim my own light in order for them to shine. That doesn’t serve either of us.

I would love to hear how you would respond.

The post What happens in our brain when work is challenging first appeared on Heather Pacaro Coaching.

How to use anger as positive fuel

hpacaro@gmail.com — Sun, 26 Mar 2023 08:00:29 +0000

I don’t want to be angry.

It’s the comment I heard over and over from clients this week.

Each situation was different and the result of challenges with kids, other leaders, team members and service providers. Yet, they were all very similar. They were all women resisting their natural instinct to feel angry.

Why?

Even from a young age we are socialized to associate anger with masculinity. Girls are told it’s unbecoming and impolite, while it’s seen as a source of strength and confidence in boys. So we grow up not even being aware of our own natural instinct to push it away.

In adulthood, this is reinforced. I became acutely aware of this last week as I was working with a service provider. I pointed out multiple cases of being provided misinformation by company representatives. His response was to talk over me and then say “I don’t know why you are so angry.” My brain instantly interpreted this as “I shouldn’t be angry. It’s wrong and impolite.” So I had to ask myself “Is this true?” and the answer I had was “No”. I was very respectful in my conversation, made sure not to attack him personally and relayed the facts of what I asked and what was told to me.

In this instance, anger was a positive emotion. I needed to advocate for myself and my anger was driving that action.

So the next time this pops up for you, I’m going to invite you to just allow yourself to be angry.

Too often we associate anger with lashing out and physically or verbally damaging something or someone because that’s the way it’s portrayed to us in the media. That’s not what I’m inviting you to do. Instead, I’m inviting you to feel the anger and decide how you use it for fuel to your actions.

First, notice that you are angry. When you are feeling something strongly, it’s a great time to stop and ask yourself what exactly you are feeling. If you are used to bottling up your emotions or spending hours at a time ruminating on things without giving yourself permission to feel, you might not be familiar with how anger shows up for you. Don’t worry, the more you pay attention, the quicker you will be able to notice when it shows up.

Second, explore why it exists. Most of us realize we have the anger and instantly try to push it away. I’m asking you to let it in so you can dissect it instead. What can it tell you about the situation? What happened to cause the anger and what were you thinking at the time you felt it?

Lastly, recognize that you can feel the emotion of anger and still choose how to respond to it. How can you put it to good use? Where is the opportunity in it?

One of my clients this week was struggling with a team member who consistently wasn’t showing up. It’s someone the company absolutely adores personally and they didn’t want to lose, but it was getting to a point where the company was losing money because she was not providing enough value to sustain her position. In this case, the anger created a space for my client to set boundaries and conditions for more equality in the relationship. Without that fuel, this wasn’t happening.

So the next time you find yourself trying to push anger away, I want you to give yourself permission to stop, reframe and let it in instead. Take the time to really explore it, identify its source and decide how you want to use it.

The post How to use anger as positive fuel first appeared on Heather Pacaro Coaching.

How to Rise Above the Crowd with Thought Leadership

hpacaro@gmail.com — Sun, 19 Mar 2023 08:00:47 +0000

As you establish yourself in middle management, it becomes increasingly important to establish yourself as a thought leader in order to stand out and gain influence. But what does this really mean?

Being a thought leader is all about understanding the issues and challenges that are top of mind for your audience. This might be your team, external or internal clients, or maybe the organization as a whole. It requires talking to people outside of your day-to-day circle, listening to feedback, staying up to date on industry trends and spending enough time in silence to hear your own voice.

When you don’t see this as part of your role, it can create several problems:

You may struggle to innovate and keep up with industry trends, resulting in a lack of new ideas and approaches. This can stifle growth and limit your organization’s ability to adapt to changing conditions.

If you aren’t recognized as a thought leader, you may struggle to influence your team and other stakeholders within the organization. This can make it difficult to influence change and achieve your organization’s objectives.

During times of rapid change, failing to stay up-to-date with the latest developments can result in your ideas becoming irrelevant and losing credibility.

Being a thought leader often involves sharing insights and ideas with a broader audience. If you aren’t willing to share your thoughts, you may miss out on opportunities to collaborate with others.

In today’s competitive job market, talented employees are in high demand. Top talent seek out organizations with dynamic and innovative leadership and if they aren’t seeing that, they won’t be attracted to working on your team.

It’s not atypical for someone new to middle management to struggle with this. You fear that sharing your ideas and opinions will be met with negative feedback or criticism. Maybe you hold yourself back because you don’t feel that you can come up with high quality ideas consistently or maybe you just aren’t in the rooms where ideas are presented and decisions are made yet.

That doesn’t mean you should give up. Yes, it might be challenging, but it is not impossible.

Here are some steps you can take:

Look for opportunities to expand your knowledge through professional development, training, and staying up-to-date with the latest industry trends. Consider how you can turn this knowledge to wisdom by using it to address problems within the company.
Start sharing your insights in comfortable audiences and expand over time. You don’t have to jump to the C-suite immediately, but expand your circle over time.
As part of expanding your circle, seek out opportunities to get to know and collaborate with others in your organization that you don’t always work with. Getting curious about what they do and how they see things will help expand your perspectives.
Get clear on your values and act consistently from these. That consistency builds trust among loyal followers throughout the organization.
Set aside time to get really conscious about your own thoughts. Having 60-90 minutes set aside at least once a week to dissect challenges in your mind and gather your conscious and original thoughts will make thought leadership a no-brainer. And if your mind just told you, I can’t afford that kind of time for such foolishness, I’m here to tell you, you can’t afford not to. This IS the job of a leader.

As you step into this version of yourself as a leader, the most important step is having compassion for yourself. Some of your ideas are going to be met with resistance. Maybe the idea was a bad one or maybe it was a good one but the audience wasn’t ready. Who is to say what is good and bad anyway? And none of that means anything about you, your intelligence or your worth. So go into this with the willingness to be wrong. Fall in love with being able to listen, understand and change your mind or on the flipside, fight for an idea that you truly believe in.

Be willing to show up for all of it. That is thought leadership.

I can’t wait to hear how it goes.

The post How to Rise Above the Crowd with Thought Leadership first appeared on Heather Pacaro Coaching.

How to manage workload anxiety

hpacaro@gmail.com — Sun, 26 Feb 2023 08:00:17 +0000

You just finished a big project this week and as you walked away from your desk on Friday, the relief was palpable. It felt so good to get it done and in the end, the work just flowed.

Now, Monday is here and the pressure is back. Five more projects are sitting on your list, all with an urgent need and your mind is running a soundtrack of “I still have so much to do” on repeat.

The pressure is real.

When you aren’t working on one, you are thinking about it. When you are working on one, you are worrying about another. And at some point, you just get so exhausted that you end up doing nothing in hopes you can get the pressure just to release a little. All your energy is spent thinking about doing, worrying about doing, and there is little left for actual doing.

So why is your brain making it such a bad thing to have things to do?

All of this thinking is an act of resistance. If you have things on your calendar, trust that you will get them done in their allotted time, and aren’t worried about what will happen if you are late, do less than stellar work or miss something entirely, then all of this doing would simply be clear headed focus and determination.

But it’s clearly not.

Because your mind is living in an irrational state of fear that says “I might miss something” or “I might not get it done”. You believe in this future devastation that says somehow, this is going to be bad and it’s sucking up all your energy.

Isn’t having a constant list of things to do the nature of the beast for sustainable growth?

Anything else is idle. And you are anything but idle. You make things happen in your life.

So why are you so resistant?

It’s as if there is some unknown destination of peace and tranquility with a nonexistent to-do list that you are striving to reach.

The reality is, if you found that place, you’d be bored out of your mind after a day or two, maybe a week tops.

Also, you keep telling yourself that you have so much to do, but didn’t you create the list?

There might be one or two things on there that feel pretty much like an obligation, maybe they even have legal ties to them, but thousands of people are proof that even those requirements are questionable.

You create the list based on how you choose to exist in life.

So a more powerful way of thinking might be:

I choose to create x, y and z this week.

I am capable of churning out significant amounts of work without depleting myself because I keep my mind clear and just focus on what’s in front of me.

I trust myself to get my work done within the timeframe I’ve scheduled it in.

So when your brain serves up pressure. I want you to remind yourself that you don’t have to believe it. You can choose one of these powerful thoughts instead.

Now let’s get to work.

The post How to manage workload anxiety first appeared on Heather Pacaro Coaching.

The surprising solution to empowering your success

hpacaro@gmail.com — Sun, 29 Jan 2023 08:00:24 +0000

Have you ever stopped to consider what might be holding you back from achieving your goals and reaching success? This week, as I sat down to review my annual plan, I came to a realization that there are only two things standing in the way of my success: the ability to make conscious decisions and having self-compassion.

You might be thinking, how can these two things have such a significant impact on my success? Let me explain. Conscious decisions are those made using your intelligent brain, not impulsively or out of fear. They include things like knowing what you want to achieve, setting boundaries, and handling it when your brain resists taking action. On the other hand, self-compassion involves being kind and understanding towards yourself, especially during difficult times. It allows you to handle failure and setbacks in a more positive manner, and boosts your motivation and confidence.

So, how can you develop these skills and unlock your full potential? Read on to find out.

First of all, conscious decisions are ones like:

what you value most
what you want to achieve and why
when you will get things done
how you will handle it when you simply don’t feel like it (because it’s bound to happen)
how and when you will set boundaries when other priorities start to conflict with your ability to get it done

We make conscious decisions by setting aside time to get clear on what we want, scheduling time on our calendar with clear intentions on what we plan to get done, and building a muscle of self-discipline that reminds us that every day we overcome any challenges in the way and show up for our goals is like a little love note to our future self.

The second key to success is having self-compassion. Self-compassion is being kind and understanding towards yourself, especially during difficult times. It’s about treating yourself with the same kindness and care that you would give to a close friend. Often, we are our own worst critics and this can get in the way of our success. When we have self-compassion, we give ourselves permission to fail and make mistakes. We don’t beat ourselves up over small setbacks, but instead view them as opportunities for growth and learning.

Having self-compassion also helps us to have a more positive outlook on life. When we are kind to ourselves, we have more energy and motivation to pursue our goals. We feel more confident in our abilities and are better able to handle stress and challenges.

Making conscious decisions and having self-compassion are both skills that can be developed and improved over time. To develop conscious decision-making, it’s important to regularly reflect on your values, priorities and goals. This will help you to stay focused on what is important and make decisions that are in line with your values.

To improve self-compassion, it’s helpful to remain present and practice gratitude. When you focus on the present moment and acknowledge the things that you are grateful for, it can help you to be kinder to yourself. It’s also important to talk to yourself in a positive and encouraging way, rather than criticizing or berating yourself.

In conclusion, the ability to make conscious decisions and having self-compassion are both critical to success. By being aware of our values, priorities, and goals, and treating ourselves with kindness and understanding, we can overcome any barriers that stand in the way of our success. With regular reflection, staying present and practicing gratitude, we can develop these skills and achieve our goals with confidence and ease.

The post The surprising solution to empowering your success first appeared on Heather Pacaro Coaching.

How to avoid the comparison trap

hpacaro@gmail.com — Sun, 15 Jan 2023 08:00:43 +0000

Ever have that moment where you join something new and all of a sudden you are pulled into the black hole of compare and despair?

It happens in my online fitness groups when people start comparing their journey to someone else’s.

It happens at work when we look at someone else’s accomplishments and wonder why we aren’t moving as fast or being recognized like they are.

It happens all the time on social media when we start looking at others successes, number of followers and post engagement.

The other day it happened to me as I was starting a new program for coaching and I had my first peer coaching session. I left the call spinning in all these thoughts about how great her coaching was and what a mess mine was.

None of us are immune to this phenomena, so to say you want to get rid of it is like telling your brain not to be human.

Another option is expecting it and noticing it so you don’t get trapped in it. When I hung up from my peer coaching session, I saw it right away. I was so drained after my call and my first thought was “Ugh, she was so good and I was so terrible!”. But then it was quickly followed by “Wait a minute, I see what you are doing. You are looking at her and her unique strengths and comparing me to that. I also have unique strengths.”

Once I realized this, I saw the opportunity to ground myself. So I got out my journal and worked through what makes me unique. When I do this, I always lead with my values and what is important to me, moving through each one and making a conscious declaration of how I show up related to that value.

For example, one of my values is authenticity. So I asked myself how I coach authentically? I share openly and say things plainly. I don’t try to hide my vulnerabilities and am willing to share stories that humanize my clients’ experience.

I continued through each value and asked myself how I want to show up embodying it, identifying areas of alignment and discerning areas where I also had felt out of sync in our session.

For example, one of my values is ownership. During our session, my kids had been upstairs yelling at a video game and stomping on the ceiling. I had not told them I had a call and needed them to be quiet. I also attempted to let it exist in the background instead of pausing and asking my client if I could take a quick second to make them aware. This caused me to be extremely distracted while my mind churned around what I should or shouldn’t do. Going back to my values allowed me to make a decision ahead of time that next time something like that happens, I will take ownership of the situation and request a second to address it, rather than allowing the distraction to continue. There is no judgment of the fact I didn’t do that, simply awareness that it’s an option for me next time.

So the next time you are stuck comparing yourself to someone else, realize it’s a natural human response and take a moment to ground yourself. Get out a piece of paper and consciously decide how you want to show up in alignment with your values.

And if you are in a place where you’ve lost alignment with what your values are, that’s OK too. Another natural process many of us go through as we get caught up in the expectations of those around us. Signing up for coaching is a great way to uncover your values and get back to the natural state of being uniquely you.

The post How to avoid the comparison trap first appeared on Heather Pacaro Coaching.

Three Leadership Lessons to Take into 2023

hpacaro@gmail.com — Sun, 01 Jan 2023 08:00:19 +0000

Happy New Year!

As we move into 2023, I am providing you with three key lessons that I took away from 2022.

My hope in sharing these with you, is that you can speed your way to success, without the pains I went through to discover these lessons.

So here they are:

Lesson #1: There is freedom in acceptance.

In change management, I talk a lot about resistance because it’s what keeps us stuck. But we simply don’t realize how much it sneaks into our daily lives. We resist our past behavior when telling ourselves we shouldn’t have gained that weight last year or should have acted a different way in a meeting. We resist our environment for admonishing the fact our entryway is littered with backpacks and sports equipment or our home office features piles of paper. We resist others when we think our kids or team members should have learned to act differently by now. We resist our emotions when we decide we shouldn’t feel them. Resistance is everywhere. If you feel anything less than expansive, it’s a great time to ask yourself what you might be resisting.

Lesson #2: Success is about decreasing your cycle time.

We go through constant cycles of transformation on everything from facing challenges at home to advancing in our career. In areas we are comfortable, this cycle happens quickly like a race car on a smooth track. In areas of discomfort, it can be like driving a 4 wheeler through muddy and ruddy terrain. As you drive the difficult terrain, it’s not about getting rid of experiencing failure, inadequacy or frustration. It’s about increasing your speed through the cycle of awareness, acceptance and realignment. Many of us try to get rid of the cycle, but it doesn’t work that way. See lesson #1. Acceptance is not only freedom, it’s necessary.

Lesson #3: Your body will keep score, even if you forget.

Our body tells us so much. Our digestive tract will tell us when we are holding in or suppressing emotion. Our joints will tell us whether we are moving enough or too much. Our heart will tell us when our emotions require rest. Don’t wait for it to scream before you do something about it. Take the time to listen daily. Better yet, train it daily. Two underrated activities that I feel strongly all women should undertake are strength training (lifting weights and no, you won’t get bulky) and mobility training. Even I learned this the hard way this year. I told myself I didn’t have the time until I had no other option but to make the time with twice a week Physical Therapy sessions. Trust me, that quick 30 minute workout every morning from the warmth of your own home is a lot more convenient.

These are three lessons I learned the hard way, by staying stuck and falling down. Some of them, I had to learn more than once and I’m sure as the challenges increase in future, I will be reminded of them again.

My hope is that the wisdom I created by falling down will help you stay up or recover faster after a fall.

Now here’s to an amazing 2023!

The post Three Leadership Lessons to Take into 2023 first appeared on Heather Pacaro Coaching.

You got the promotion, now what?

hpacaro@gmail.com — Sun, 11 Dec 2022 08:00:01 +0000

You got the job. Your new title is proudly displayed on the door, your email signature and your Linkedin Profile. The congratulations are pouring in and yet, instead of the elation you expected, you are scared to death. What if they decide you aren’t a good fit? What if you fail? What if you don’t know enough? What if you simply aren’t capable?

I remember one time I was teaching a fitness class and a woman I had not seen before was standing in the very back. As the class went on, she continued to move further and further back until she was literally standing against the wall and not moving. This was a Zumba class, so it can happen with someone who has never been before and gets overwhelmed by all the moves. But I went to talk to her after class in order to encourage her to come back and try again. She explained that she had recently lost a lot of weight and this was the first time she had braved a gym. She had thought the class would be downstairs where there aren’t any mirrors and that was the only reason she was willing to come, but then she got there and found out it was in fact in the fitness room where the mirrors lined the front wall. Even though she had lost all the weight, she still couldn’t stand to see herself because all she saw was the person before the weight loss and she hated it. So she sat, paralyzed for the entire hour.

Even today, my heart breaks a little every time I remember that story because I realize the damage we can do to ourselves when we don’t do the work required for our brain to catch up with our external circumstances. We believe that when we get to our goal, we will just feel all the things we’ve worked so hard for such as confidence, purpose and validation. But then we get there and aren’t able to bask in the beauty of our own accomplishments. We believe that the external world is what will give us this beautiful gift. But the hard truth is, the only person that can give us that validation is ourselves, which means the external world can change and offer the validation, but we have to be open to accepting it. And if we hold all the power, why wait for the external world to catch up?

The person this woman was at 300 pounds holds the same level of worthiness as she did at 180. The person you are as a Sr. Manager holds the same level of worthiness as a Vice President. The only difference besides a title or a number on the scale is the sentences in your brain about who you are with or without a title. Her soundtrack was comparing her to the other women in the room, telling her she was still that same woman that made all those terrible choices to get her to 300 pounds and berating herself for it the entire class. Similarly, your soundtrack might be comparing yourself to your peers or those above you and deciding you aren’t polished enough to lead, believing feedback that someone gave you like the fact that you talk too much, not enough or without the right amount of clarity. Or maybe it’s berating you for the way someone on your team is behaving and questioning why you can’t control it.

Your team members will be the mirror at the front of the room. They will hold it up in front of you every single day and you will have thoughts about what that means for you. Leading yourself means you stop moving backwards and trying to disappear into the back wall. You get a coach who shows you your mind and you start exercising agency over what you choose to believe and what you don’t. In other words, you step into your own leadership.

The post You got the promotion, now what? first appeared on Heather Pacaro Coaching.

Three Tips for Better Performance Evaluations

hpacaro@gmail.com — Sun, 27 Nov 2022 08:00:54 +0000

It’s that time of year! Performance reviews are coming up and you might have a team of people you need to evaluate. That likely means it has weighed on you for weeks but sitting down to actually determine where everyone falls keeps getting shoved aside for more urgent activities and now it’s the evening before calibrations, you are tired and it’s the last thing you want to do. Sound familiar? That’s why I am here with three easy steps for determining performance results and prepping for calibrations.

Step one is to clear your mind. If it’s late and you are mad at yourself for waiting until the last minute, not having some discussions earlier in the year to make this easier, or not having clear enough goals for your team so this was more straightforward, beating yourself up all night at the same time you are writing them does you no good. It only makes it less enjoyable for you and more likely you will avoid them again next year.

Think of it like losing weight. If you really want to lose weight, but every time you go to the gym you spend the entire time telling yourself how disappointed you are that you let yourself get like this, you won’t want to go back and you will avoid it. This is the same thing. Allow it to be late, conditions less than perfect and that to just be part of the human experience without it meaning you are not capable of great reviews. If you find your mind wandering to self-criticism of any kind during the process, just label it as fascinating and bring it right back to the person you are evaluating. In the end, it’s not about you at all. It’s about serving the people on your team.

Step two is to get curious. Most managers come into the review process with their mind made up around where everyone is, then they build a case for each individual based on that. Or they skip the case altogether and give out ratings with no substance. Even your high performers can get discouraged when you tell them they are extraordinary but can’t list a single reason why they are, other than being pleasant to work with. Instead, I am going to invite you to explore the evidence with a curious mind and then decide where everyone lands.

Getting curious also means getting rid of any conscious or unconscious bias you have towards the person you are evaluating. It’s not our place as leaders to believe people should be any different than they are. Come into reviews with the belief that everyone on your team is whole and worthy of performing to their full capacity. It’s amazing the difference that will make in the value of your feedback.

Step three is to step out of the emotion and focus on the facts. There are two parts to performance reviews where you build your facts from. One part is performance against goals and the second part is behaviors against values.

For the first part, you want to look at the purpose of the role and what was actually done against the goals, which is measurable and objective. Say you manage a home healthcare team and the number one purpose of a Care Manager’s role is to meet 1:1 with clients in an effort to identify and diagnose issues that improve quality of life. This can be measured by things like their billable service hours and meeting of contractual obligations in terms of the frequency of visits. They either do the work assigned to them or they don’t. It’s just math.

For the second part, you want to look at how they showed up against clearly defined values that are either yours or the companies. For example, maybe one of your company values is collaboration, but you are evaluating someone who is great at showing up for their own clients, but doesn’t volunteer to help when someone on the team gets sick or has an emergency. When you can relate this to a value, it takes the conversation away from being a character flaw and focuses on behaviors that are within their capacity to perform. Instead of “You are not collaborative”, it becomes “I did not see you demonstrate collaboration in a way that aligns with our company values. For example, when Doris got sick and we needed to cover her clients at the last minute, you didn’t raise your hand to help even though you only had one visit scheduled for that day.”

If you have a structured 1:1 process, this last step becomes really easy because it means you have weekly notes from your conversations with supporting examples that span the entire year. If you don’t, see the first step and allow that to be something you consider implementing in the year to come.

In summary, the most helpful reviews are those given from a clear and focused mind. That alone is one of the greatest gifts you can give to your team as a leader.

The post Three Tips for Better Performance Evaluations first appeared on Heather Pacaro Coaching.

How to stop people pleasing and start leading

hpacaro@gmail.com — Sun, 20 Nov 2022 08:00:23 +0000

After another week of great client sessions, I would love to share a little wisdom with you. And that is…

Your brain can be wired for pleasing people and you can still be an amazing leader.

It’s true.

I know you’ve convinced yourself that you don’t want to be pushy or micro-manage people, so you have avoided holding people accountable. You ask for things and sometimes they deliver, but more often than not, they don’t, and you end up going to extreme measures like throwing your boss’s name around like a threat or showing anger at their behavior. At some point it feels passive aggressive so you hate it and question whether you are really cut out for all of this stuff called leadership.

It doesn’t have to be that way!

But you have to change the way you work, which starts with the way you are thinking about this. Most likely you are in a constant state of comparison between yourself and the leader you don’t want to be and it’s simply not helpful. The passive aggressive comes from avoiding being pushy until absolutely necessary and then relying on it to get you over the finish line. You end up feeling terrible and your team members are completely confused because they don’t know who they are going to get from day to day.

Instead, you can remain calm, put your team members’ needs in the forefront and still get things done. You don’t need daily conflict to push things over the finish line. Here is how:

Respect them enough to be transparent and clear with deliverables up front. Every assignment can start with a shared definition of what it is, when it needs to be done, and how you will both know it’s complete. Such a simple process and yet, more often than not, the latter two are overlooked in most work conversations.

Be conscious of what you ask for. Working with humans means that some will have a knee jerk reaction to the problem of the day and that will generate work that days later is no longer deemed important. You might work for one of these people and find yourself trying to manage all the pieces or maybe you notice this in yourself. Prioritize your work and the work of your team on things that are not only important today, but still will be in two weeks.

Be honest with yourself and stop taking on work just to resent it later. Serving others is a gift that when overused can create behaviors that no longer honor yourself. You’ll know when you passed the threshold by the way you feel. The gift breeds positive energy and overuse breeds negative energy. Now I’m not saying this is permission to say “no” to necessary projects just because they don’t make you happy. You still have a job to do. I’m only saying that you want to make decisions consciously and make sure you like the reason you are saying “yes” to something. If you don’t, it’s a great opportunity to do some exploring before you continue, so your decision comes from a place of personal power, even when you still say “yes”.

Get so clear on who you are at your core that you show up in this capacity more often than not. Your team will feel safe when they know what to expect and this consistency is where trust is built. When you take the time to define your values and leadership characteristics, you can put these at the forefront of your interactions. Instead of spinning in comparison to leadership traits you’re trying to avoid, you anchor yourself in traits that uniquely define you. Even hard conversations are made easier when you focus your own brain on staying in integrity instead of measuring yourself on the other person’s reaction and then responding sporadically. This means your team members no longer see the hot and cold version of you. Consistency builds trust. If your team knows what to expect, it becomes a safe place for them to exist.

Following these steps allow you to move away from believing you need to be someone you’re not and helps you move closer to the leader you are.

Do you relate to this? I got you! Sign up for your free consultation here and let’s talk about what coaching can create for you.

The post How to stop people pleasing and start leading first appeared on Heather Pacaro Coaching.