So you finally took the vacation. You modeled the behavior you preach to everyone who works for you and completely shut down your work phone. But things didn’t go as planned. Despite all the contingencies and paying it forward you have done for everyone around you, people dropped the ball and your clients weren’t taken care of. Simple and clear requests didn’t get done. Now what do you do?
First things first, is anything on fire that needs to be put out ASAP? If so, deal with those first.
Then, let’s start with you. You are likely dealing with a range of emotions right now from resentment to disappointment to anger. Don’t resist any of that, just take a moment to sit with it and really understand what you are feeling. Label those emotions.
Now tell yourself the truth of why you are feeling the way you are. This is usually the point where my clients try to justify and understand the actions of someone else, but we aren’t there yet. At the moment, your sole focus is on understanding why you feel the way you do. What are the thoughts behind your emotions?
I don’t understand people who do the barest of minimums.
She didn’t even try.
What the heck, we let the client down.
This team doesn’t even value me enough to cover my work.
Of course, you are angry! You put your heart and soul into this business and this is what you get back. Now your brain will try to judge you and say you shouldn’t be mad or angry, that this is somehow your fault. You don’t have to be a victim to the situation, but you also don’t have to criticize yourself for your response. Just let it exist and accept it for what it is. You left with a perception that you were covered. You came back and found out that certain tasks had not been done. You feel angry as a result. It’s all very human.
Most of this anger is a function of the violation we feel to our value system. Most of us got into leadership because we took ownership and responsibility, we got things done. Somewhere in our value system, we likely have a personal value related to integrity or responsibility, doing what you say you will. You might also have a value of ownership where you treat anyone’s work as if it were your own, regardless of whether it’s your client or you are backing someone up, to ensure the level of service doesn’t drop. That’s why it’s so important to know what your own values are, so when things like this happen, you can quickly check in, scan the list and discern what value of yours might have been violated.
From a place of acceptance and understanding of the scenario, you can start to feel the intense emotions of the situation dissipate. This is where you want to be before you address anyone directly, because it will be necessary to do so. You want to go into those discussions very clear headed and in the mindset that the person you are speaking to is fully capable of this role. Your job is to tell them how they can succeed as clearly and succinctly as possible, and then allow them to make a choice on whether or not they do so. So when you address the situation, it’s time to take all of your emotions and judgements out and be as straightforward as possible. If it was a team member backing you up, the conversation could look like this:
While I was out, I expected you to ensure that the client did not experience any break to their service. I forwarded a question from them for you to answer. You confirmed receipt but did not respond to them. This does not meet expectations. In the future, if you are backing someone up, whether it’s me or anyone else on the team, you will be expected to treat the client as if it’s your own and follow through on answering questions, providing information and meeting all contractual obligations. What questions do you have?
Seems pretty simple, but it’s not what usually happens. What usually happens is that we are angry and we don’t sort through our own stuff first. And then the conversation looks like this:
I am so upset right now that I can’t even take a vacation around here. The work didn’t get done and I get that you were probably super stressed because so many people were out or sick, but the client didn’t get taken care of and you should have asked for help if you needed it. But really, your workload isn’t very high so I really don’t understand what happened, I just know I’m really upset about all of this and the client is really upset. You need to make it right.
And then the team member either leaves the conversation really angry or crying, still not understanding what is needed from them in order to succeed.
The goal of a leader is to tell your team how to succeed and what you expect, then help them understand when there is a gap so they can course correct, that’s it. It’s not to try and control their emotions or put the roller coaster of emotions you are experiencing on them. As adults, you are both responsible for your own thoughts and feelings. You can and should be kind in the interaction, but for many, the thought of falling short will sting no matter how it’s delivered. That’s not something we can take away from people. It is part of the human experience and how we learn and grow.
Continue to set expectations and give ongoing feedback. The next time you take a vacation, watch what happens and use it as learning to adjust your approach until you find what works. Whatever you do, don’t allow your brain to attach to the lie that you can’t get away because things fall apart, that’s simply giving up on your ability to lead. You are better than that. Vacations are a way to identify gaps that are not seen in the normal day to day of business. That’s it. Allow things to go wrong so they can be fixed, without making it mean anything about you or your leadership. It’s simply part of the journey.
You got this!