You’re standing in front of a dozen other faces, all waiting to hear your next response. The meeting you so meticulously planned out is going completely sideways. Everything was organized, you knew exactly what needed to get done and yet, here you are with a group of people who are just…not…getting…it. You stated everything they need to know already, yet they are firing questions at you so quickly you would think you showed up and announced something life-changing on a whim. How did you miss so many important details? How did you not predict that they wouldn’t understand? What is wrong with you? Your brain is serving up so many questions you can’t even think straight and now you’ve lost complete control of the meeting. People are upset about something that was supposed to be quick and easy and now your agenda is shot. How could this be happening? You should be better than this!
Stop. Take a breath. Take 3 deep ones actually.
Nothing has gone wrong here. This happens to all of us, all the time. In the moment, our brain starts panicking and attempting to regain control. Some people yell for order and start commanding, others shut down and just end the meeting, while others try to please everyone involved. All the while, trying to hide from others that your brain is completely freaking out and blaming it on everything outside of you instead of realizing the only drama is what is happening in your head.
Could there be another way? One that didn’t feel like trying to reign in toddlers, fight a battle you don’t have armor for, hide in fear or give up all of your agency just to keep people happy.
First, have some empathy for yourself and others. No matter how simple the topic can be, the human brain is resistant to change and it loves to create chaos out of it. So what, human beings didn’t behave as you so carefully predicted? They rarely do. That doesn’t have to mean that anyone involved is incapable or inadequate, including you. It simply means that they all have a human brain and so do you, all of which serve up different thoughts and responses to the same information, all the time.
Second, take some time to learn and understand the perspectives that led them to their response. Get really curious about what items they might be missing that you have or what perspectives they might be bringing that you didn’t come with that may bridge the gap between your understanding and theirs. Don’t continue to push information, step back and ask questions. Too many times we quickly move to solving the problem in an attempt to control, but leadership isn’t about having all the answers to undefined problems. It’s about seeking to deeply understand the problems before moving on.
Lastly, anchor yourself and the group on a source of shared meaning. What is the vision, values or purpose that can bring everyone together? How can you navigate forward with one or more of those items in mind?
Losing control of a meeting isn’t about you at all. It’s simply a part of leadership and is only a problem when you decide to make it one. Accept it as a part of the role and learn how to continue forward despite it.